in which i apologize for not blogging and then likely not blog again for months

i think the last post i maybe talked about bea's brain (i could go look, but, meh).  so we're a few months into Experiment Medication and i'm not sure it is making much of a difference.  it seemed like it was at first - bea was calm and she was able to focus and do chores but lately..she doesn't smile anymore.  she freaks out and hides if i talk about her.  she hides in the bathroom for 20 minutes reading a book  she leaves a trail of forgotten crafts.  i bought her some beads after she successfully made a few bracelets at summer camp.  i figured she was finally able to concentrate enough...i came home to find the bucket of 5,500 beads on the floor and bea no where in sight.  no bracelet was made.  no explanation given.  'oh yeah...no, i don't want to make anything.'  at school the reports aren't much better.  she spends too much time reading instead of working.  she's gone to the nurse and been sent home twice for pretty thinly legitimate reasons.  she's lost her water bottle (first day) and her homework folder (4th day).  i've tried to talk to her teacher and the principal but no one seems willing to follow through.  i get a lot of hopeful 'we will get on this!' but days turn into weeks and now months and nothing.  not a phone call, not an email, not even an acknowledgement of previous conversation.

remember my kid?  the one with the issues and the stuff and the 'please help'?

nope.

i don't know what to do without being labeled the crazy mom.  let's be honest - i am only now shedding the reputation as the crazy mom and i am not looking forward to being her again.  but who else?  who else will advocate for my kid?  i am afraid that she is not going to get the curriculum she needs because she won't complete the assessment correctly.  she won't be given time or accommodations and she'll be stuck with work that is beneath her and that she will inevitably hate and not complete.  thus completing the cycle of failure.  but maybe she won't.  maybe i'm being all DOOM DOOM DOOM when it is unfounded.  but i want her to succeed.  i want her to excel in school.

 i want her to be happy and i don't think she is happy.  she doesn't talk about school in an excited way.  school is the chore that she isn't terribly fond of but sometimes she gets to go to the park and that's fun.  tomorrow is tomorrow.  we'll see how that goes.