why i run

this weekend i ran the dallas marathon in, um, dallas.  at the expo (which is where you pick up your race number and then exit the gift shop of running gear), there was a both set up where you wrote down your answer to 'why i run' and then filmed a short video about it.  the videos were played on a loop at mile something or another to inspire runners as the passed and while i DID see the video on the course, i managed to catch about 2 seconds of footage and was not, in fact, inspired.  but i was glad at least to put down on paper the underlying motivation behind my endless running:

one day i hope they ARE proud or at least forgiving of my long sunday evening runs.

gooooooooooal. or bassssssssket. or scoooooooore.

yesterday was bea's very first basketball practice.  ever.  i decided to give it a try since she would always try to play at hardie's practices and - much like her dear old mother - prefers indoor, air-conditioned sports.  so far, bea has shown little more than a placating enjoyment of soccer, ballet, and running so i figured i'd keep trying things until she seemed excited or angrily rebelled.

basketball...success!

we got to the gym early and shot some hoops (see how hip i am to the lingo?), just the three of us.  i taught bea how to throw the ball and aim for the basket as best i could.  [disclaimer: i am terrible at basketball.  i made all of three, um, goals? baskets? last night and was pretty proud of myself until i realized that i was shooting at the basket that was lowered for small children.]  anyway she seemed to enjoy herself and i was glad that i'd decided to practice a little before practice, hoping that it would give her a confidence boost if she knew a little bit on how to play.  she was initially reluctant to join her practice since she is the only girl on the team but once she got past that (after about a minute) she played and laughed and ran and dribbled and made a basket on her first try (this feat would not be repeated).  she started to cry at one point at having been denied an opportunity to shoot but i steadfastly refused to comfort or even look at her.  i felt horrible but i want her to learn to control her emotions and not depend so much on me to be there to comfort her at every little perceived slight of the universe toward her gentle soul.  for the record, she doesn't have a gentle soul she has a keen sense of manipulation and knows that any time she so much as makes a whimper, i will run to her and hold her.  not that she isn't sensitive, but i'd say i'm dealing with 30% genuine sensitivity and 70% sneaky.  eventually she went to the coach - who very firmly but fairly did NOT tolerate her fit - and told him that she was upset at not having her turn to throw the ball.  it was a complete departure from the beatrice i know who refuses to open her mouth or confront her fears.  she was upset, she told the person who made her upset, he didn't budge and she went back to playing (and maybe still crying a little).  it sounds small, but this is a HUGE step for my once shy little munchkin.  at home, she took off her jersey and excitedly asked me to wash it so it would be ready for her game on saturday.  later i told her that i was proud of her and that she was gaining confidence.  then she asked what 'confidence' meant and i had an awkward time explaining this and we totally got off the subject and chatted about jewelry. 

hopefully the enthusiasm will continue throughout the week and hopefully someone else will explain what it means to be confident.

i couldn't get a shot of bea but here is spiderhardie playing
basketball with a mask.  and a volleyball.